Appreciation

As I grow older, I find my thoughts wondering off to previous chapters of my life. I recollect funny memories, and wonderful things friends have done for myself and others. Then I realize that the only reason I am who I am today, is because of these people. All of the life decisions, my voice of reason, my passion and dedication, is influenced by them.

I have a friend whom I have known since I was 17 years old. I met her at a very crazy and uncertain time in my life. I was in a city alone, and didn't know anyone. I was desperate to figure out how to live in Los Angeles and not have to return to Salem. The chapters of her and I have led us through great adventures, tests of friendship, and a lifetime of bonding moments that have us glued together for life. I experienced life in a way I never thought possible. I learned so many lessons about the basic working functionality of friendships and relationships, and the needs of a single human being besides myself. I absorbed aspects of her work ethic and desires, keeping me tenacious in everything I do.

Once I had worked through the kinks of working in a professional setting, I landed a marketing assistant position that allowed me to bring infant Madison to work with me. I worked out of his home office, which was I was not used to but quickly adapted. I mentally gathered as many tips and ticks I could since this was someone who had business figured out. He taught me the ins and outs of the marketing industry, how important it is to have contracts, keeping track of business related expenses, and the importance of maintaining business relationships. As a trained chef, he also shared cooking techniques and recipes which has now morphed into my own style of cooking. For all of you who have tried my food, he is the one to thank.

After 10 years in Los Angeles, I had grown tired of the rat race. I had become cynical and wanted to escape. I couldn't imagine living anywhere other than Oregon. Unfortunately a failed relationship curbed my desire to return for another year. Once I started living for the day instead of trying to plan my next year, I started having fun again. I embraced my city of Long Beach and didn't say no to any opportunity that arose. Which is how I fell in love with my fiance. He had asked me to go to Furthur in San Francisco which was a three day event. Having never been to San Francisco, I had to go. Once I started spending all of my time with him I started learning about our current environmental state, positivity, and veganism. He instilled in me a passion for preserving the earth and everything in it and brought me out of the negative funk I was in. We battled crazies, and lived aboard a sailboat. Our journey has just begun. He has instilled in me a sense of adventure, and desire to explore nature again, and how to think big and outside of the box.

After this thought process of how I got to be, I have come to the conclusion that I am truely grateful for every single person that has helped me along the way. Which is why I keep so many as close as I can. So that one day I can return the favor and give thanks for contributing to my personality.

Positivity VS Negativity

As I continue my path through adulthood, I become hyper aware of my personality, surroundings, and exchanges with others. I see behavioral habits that have been learned from my father, and some I've created myself. Ideally I would like to be the duck that let's water roll off it's back, but growing up around someone who constantly sees the negative in every aspect of his life has created mental obstacles for me now. Situations build and get worse and I fall back on what I know instead of what I'm trying to achieve.

I have to remember that every spec of negativity I put into the universe, will come back to me. Just like the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The stress causes overwhelming feelings of losing control and a morphed opinion about who I am which in turn creates the snowball effect that consumes me. My family then suffers because I become unsatisfied with how things are going and lose patience and understanding.

One of the biggest hurdles I'm trying to jump over, is my past. As I become set in my ideals and habits, I also have issues surfacing that just won't hide any longer. Unfortunately explaining these subjects to those around me proves to be more difficult than I thought and transfers into something else. Which merely shields the truth temporarily. Sometimes I feel lost, my brain is blank, my communication lost. Mental limbo. Afraid to talk, afraid if I don't talk I could lose it all.

The one place I can find strength and clarity is in Buddhism. We are in control of our lives. Our lives shouldn't be in control of us. If I can overcome the initial instinct to feel anger, and instead feel empathy, I can conquer all. I am the koi swimming to rise to the top of the murky water like the lotus. I have achieved great things in my life. As long as I can stay aware and focused, I can be content.

I am my own worst enemy. Or perhaps it's my brain that is my enemy since I sometimes feel as though it's a separate being.

My current battle with my brain, daily over exertion on having too many ideas and not enough time. Between that, remembering what I need to take note of so I don't forget later, and keeping up with a household, I have a full day ahead of me. Everyday.

I try to dedicate at least 2 full days to my madness. This mostly consisting of new business ideas and opportunities. I find it so hard to be able to sit and focus for more than an hour for the mere fact that I have 10 other things I have to clean up or take care of around the house. I did manage however, to make a personal goals list. I feel like once I get started on that, I can focus on things much easier and efficiently.

I am starting with my diet. While I've always tried to be healthy, I am now ready to rid my body of unnecessary toxins. Since I don't have the luxury of working out whenever I want or even being able to leave the house to do so with two kids, I'll be dedicating time to yoga and cardio at home. My diet will be strictly vegan, focusing largely on raw foods and homemade juices.

Besides that, I've got some great things in the works for Get Fresh Designs. New jewelry and small works coming soon.