A Clue To The Mystery

 At 27 years old, I finally feel like I'm starting to discover who I am. 10 years ago I was just a naive and lost little girl running from the past, and unsure of the future. I was desensitized of true feeling, and incapable of real trust of others. If someone asked me to describe myself, I could recall I had eyes, voice, and things people wanted to hear that you are so you can be accepted. But who I really was, was still a mystery to me.

I see now it was just a matter of inexperience, lack of social interaction, and unfamiliarity with my surroundings. It was a mixture of who am I supposed to be, and who do I want to be. Being in Los Angeles this last 10 years has provided a plethura of characters and influences. Almost a sin city in itself. I feel like I grew up here. Learned my hardest lessons, ate the most crow. Survived the greatest nightmare.

Now that I have reached a new chapter, I feel like I just took a step up in my life's stairs. It's brighter, happier, content. A strange feeling for me. As one who has been chased by misfortune and heartache, this is like taking your first breath into a new life. A new adventure.

My Mistress

Red velvet cake is my mistress. It's my favorite cake, cake, is what I mean. 9 times out of 10 I will say cheesecake when asked what kind of cake I would like. That one time of choosing red velvet, says it all. I recently had it and remembered how delicious it was. This is one of those times. Dirty whore.

I am Pirate. Hear me Argh!

I realized the other day that I haven't spent a single night on land since the middle of February. This month I've discovered my love for this vessel that I currently call home. And I recently realized I don't get seasick, I get land sick.

I feel most accomplished when I fix and clean this boat. It's something I could never part with now. It's become my love and when I'm on land all I can think about it getting back on this boat. I am eternally tied to the sea.


I've always felt like I was a pirate. And during the ninja vs. pirate conversations, I would always root for the pirate. You can kill a pirate but they'll return. When you kill a ninja, all you have is a dead ninja. But before all this devotion, I had a tattoo done that was originally a piece by Roman Dirge. The sentence "Worst Pirate Ever!", with a dead and disappointed looking pirate who has a sword and spear stuck through him. I was attracted to the fact that it was funny and a good conversation starter. Plus I liked pirates so why not. Now, I see it as I won't be the worst pirate ever cause where there's a will there's a way and I'm pirating my way through life and loving it.