A Clue To The Mystery

 At 27 years old, I finally feel like I'm starting to discover who I am. 10 years ago I was just a naive and lost little girl running from the past, and unsure of the future. I was desensitized of true feeling, and incapable of real trust of others. If someone asked me to describe myself, I could recall I had eyes, voice, and things people wanted to hear that you are so you can be accepted. But who I really was, was still a mystery to me.

I see now it was just a matter of inexperience, lack of social interaction, and unfamiliarity with my surroundings. It was a mixture of who am I supposed to be, and who do I want to be. Being in Los Angeles this last 10 years has provided a plethura of characters and influences. Almost a sin city in itself. I feel like I grew up here. Learned my hardest lessons, ate the most crow. Survived the greatest nightmare.

Now that I have reached a new chapter, I feel like I just took a step up in my life's stairs. It's brighter, happier, content. A strange feeling for me. As one who has been chased by misfortune and heartache, this is like taking your first breath into a new life. A new adventure.

My Mistress

Red velvet cake is my mistress. It's my favorite cake, cake, is what I mean. 9 times out of 10 I will say cheesecake when asked what kind of cake I would like. That one time of choosing red velvet, says it all. I recently had it and remembered how delicious it was. This is one of those times. Dirty whore.

I am Pirate. Hear me Argh!

I realized the other day that I haven't spent a single night on land since the middle of February. This month I've discovered my love for this vessel that I currently call home. And I recently realized I don't get seasick, I get land sick.

I feel most accomplished when I fix and clean this boat. It's something I could never part with now. It's become my love and when I'm on land all I can think about it getting back on this boat. I am eternally tied to the sea.


I've always felt like I was a pirate. And during the ninja vs. pirate conversations, I would always root for the pirate. You can kill a pirate but they'll return. When you kill a ninja, all you have is a dead ninja. But before all this devotion, I had a tattoo done that was originally a piece by Roman Dirge. The sentence "Worst Pirate Ever!", with a dead and disappointed looking pirate who has a sword and spear stuck through him. I was attracted to the fact that it was funny and a good conversation starter. Plus I liked pirates so why not. Now, I see it as I won't be the worst pirate ever cause where there's a will there's a way and I'm pirating my way through life and loving it.

Absolute Contentment

It's been a while since I've felt content. Every morning I wake up to see a person who shares my love for life, inspiration to do good in the world, and to be the best person we can be. My life isn't perfect by definition. I'm not rich or completely successful in my business ventures, but what I do have makes me rich in life. I have my beautiful well balanced little girl who's figuring out the world and what she wants to do with it, a healthy loyal pup, true life long friends that I can be there for and vice versa, and an amazing partner to share it all with.

It's easy to mistake contentment in the pursuit of happiness as something that's temporary or material. I spent a lot of time thinking the way to reach that most desired feeling was through completing steps one through five. When really, it has more to do with finding appreciation for what you have that cannot be earned or replaced. Finding beauty in life, doing what you love, what you're passionate about all contributes to your contentment.

It took me awhile to figure out what exactly I can do that will continue to add to my contentment. I decided I'd like to try and work for Greenpeace. Everyday I'm inspired by Chris' passion for Greenpeace and their efforts to change the world. And all I can think when I see him excited to talk about the environment is, I want to do that. I always wondered growing up, how can I make a difference? I'm only one person. This is my answer. It's a choice that takes dedication, focus, and lots of studying.

I wish more people would realize that they don't have to stay in the same terrifyingly boring job, afraid to face tomorrow. That time is short and flies by faster than you think. Wake up and enjoy the sunlight, the song of the morning birds, the smile of a stranger. Life is what you make it and until you realize that, you will never be content.

Adaptation

I'm once again fully aware of how strong my ability to adapt is. I realized it this morning when I offered my boyfriend Chris a vegan breakfast of sweet potato and soyrizo hash. He's a vegan, I'm a carnivore. I LOVE red meat, dairy, and seafood. I had tried being vegetarian in high school but changed my mind after a few months because I craved meat. Dairy is another story. I don't feel I need it everyday, but I do still need it once in awhile. For my blood type I'm actually not supposed to consume dairy, so I've seriously decreased since discovering that. Harvard actually released an article this morning about dairy being bad for you, and provided a list of beneficial sources of calcium.

"The Harvard School of Public Health sent a strong message to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) and nutrition experts everywhere with the recent release of its “Healthy Eating Plate” food guide. The university was responding to the USDA’s new MyPlate guide for healthy eating, which replaced the outdated and misguided food pyramid.

Harvard’s nutrition experts did not pull punches, declaring that the university’s food guide was based on sound nutrition research and more importantly, not influenced by food industry lobbyists. The greatest evidence of its research focus is the absence of dairy products from the “Healthy Eating Plate” based on Harvard’s assessment that “…high intake can increase the risk of prostate cancer and possibly ovarian cancer.” The Harvard experts also referred to the high levels of saturated fat in most dairy products and suggested that collards, bok choy, fortified soy milk, and baked beans are safer choices than dairy for obtaining calcium, as are high quality supplements.

Kudos to Harvard for promoting greater consumption of vegetables and fruits, as well as healthier protein options such as fish, beans or nuts. And kudos to Harvard for ignoring the lobbyists and showing the USDA what healthy eating is all about."

Adapted from World’s Healthiest News by Michelle Schoffro Cook, PhD.

So how have I suddenly adapted? A lot of it had to do with being in San Francisco for 4 days with vegans. If all that's around is vegan food, that's what you eat. By the second day I was irritable and going through serious meat cravings. I felt like my body was going into shock. I noticed after we returned home and attended a friend's birthday BBQ, my desire for meat had decreased drastically. I only ate one thing there, part of a hotdog.

The next night I suggested making a vegan friendly dinner, vegetarian paella with soy sausage. I fell in love with this dish at my 25th birthday party and knew it was a hit because it was devoured amongst carnivores. This recipe is very quick and easy, and doesn't require many ingredients. I've successfully continued a vegetarian diet for the past 5 days. So far I feel pretty good, and am excited to try other cool recipes. I know that I won't be vegan, or even full vegetarian for the rest of my life. That's not even why I'm trying. My adaptability is being inspired by Chris. If someone doesn't like cigarettes, are you going to go to their house and smoke inside? I know he doesn't like it, and as long as I have the ingredients to substitute, I'll do what I can to not consume around him. Luckily, there's amazingly delicious alternatives available!

If you would like the recipe of the meals I mentioned in this blog, please contact me.